From Debate to Christlike Dialogue
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14, ESV
In defining debate, two words come to mind: argue and dispute. Two words that help define dialogue are: conversation and talk. I don’t know about you, but I sense some tension in the words, argue and dispute that disappears with the words, conversation and talk. To go a step further, it’s important to note a significant difference between dialogue and Christlike dialogue. With dialogue, self-interests may still exist, but with Christlike dialogue, selfish ambition is replaced with a sincere desire to know Christ better and to become more like Him. It is God’s will for His children to be uniquely different than the culture around us by consistently engaging in conversation that is honoring to God. This blog post is written to help prepare us to do so. The chart below shows the difference between debate and Christlike dialogue, the latter being the kind of conversation that can bring healing to America.
|
|
Debate |
Christlike Dialogue |
|
Goal |
Win the argument |
Represent Jesus well for God’s glory |
|
Motive |
To be “right” |
To do right by persevering in love for people despite differences |
|
Knowledge |
Used to prove point and persuade others to agree with you |
Used humbly to point people to Jesus and the Bible |
|
Listening |
Only to counter opposing views |
To gain a better understanding of what others believe, and why they believe it |
Christlike Dialogue is Not Natural
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2, NKJV
From the chart below, we can learn the difference between natural, worldly responses versus unnatural, Christlike responses to people with opposing views.
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Natural Response |
Unnatural Response |
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Self-centered, quick to speak, slow to listen |
Other-minded, quick to listen, slow to speak (See James 1:19-20; Philippians 2:3-4) |
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Gossip, quarreling, argumentative monologues, apathy, silence |
Seeks and speaks the truth in love by humbly extending grace, asking good questions, and listening well, without compromising truth (See John 14:6; 8:32; Ephesians 4:15) |
|
Gives opinion by saying, “I think…” |
Shares what “God says”. Humbly yet boldly points people to Jesus and the Bible for answers to life’s challenges. |
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The focus is on self-interests. |
The focus is on Christ’s interests. (See 1 Timothy 1:15; Ephesians 4:13) |
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You have selfish ambition with a strong (See James 3:16; 4:1-3) |
Conflict is embraced as opportunity to become other-minded, mature in Christ, |
|
You try to control the outcome. |
You trust God with the outcome. (See 1 Peter 2:21-23) |
© 2025 by Jeffery L. Rosenau
The following role plays will help you understand the difference between a natural worldly response (the first conversation) versus an unnatural Christlike response (the second conversation).
First Conversation Between Employer and Employee
One party in this conversation is a middle-aged female who is the owner of a successful local business. The other person is a new employee, a single mom in her late twenties who arrives to work fifteen minutes late three days in a row. In this conversation, the employer responds in a natural, worldly way.
1st DAY
Employer: “You’re a new employee, and you get to work fifteen minutes late? Don’t be late again!”
Employee: “I’m sorry, but…”
Employer: “No buts! Be on time tomorrow!”
2nd DAY
Employer: “Maybe I didn’t make myself clear yesterday.”
Employee: “You did make yourself clear; and I apologize again. I tried my best to be here on time, but…”
Employer: “No buts! I don’t expect you to try. I expect you to be here, on time!”
Employee: “Yes, ma’am.”
3rd DAY
Employer: “Your tardiness is unacceptable! You are fired!”
Employee: “Please don’t fire me. I really need this job. If you would just give me a few minutes to explain…”
Employer: “All our employees start work on time. It is not fair to them when you come in fifteen minutes late every day, especially as a new employee. Now clear everything out of your desk, and leave!”
Second Conversation Between Employer and Employee
Everything remains the same, except the employer’s response. This time, she responds in an unnatural, Christlike way.
1st DAY
Employer: “I noticed you were late today. What happened?”
Employee: “I’m sorry, but I’m a single parent with a 3-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son who I drop off at school every morning. The school has a system for cars to line up so parents can drop the kids off in an orderly way. They don’t start checking kids in until fifteen minutes before I’m supposed to be at work. Although I was third in line, this morning the process was unusually slow. Of course, I realize that none of this excuses me from being late.”
Employer: “I’m sure you are trying your best to be on time. Let’s see how it goes tomorrow. What are your children’s names?”
Employee: “Martha is the three-year old and Joshua is six. Thank you for asking.”
2nd DAY
Employer: “How was the car line at school this morning?”
Employee: “I apologize again for being late. I did everything I could to be on time and left early so I could be the first car in line; but as we left home and were about a mile down the road, Joshua told me he forgot something he needed for school, so I turned back to get it.”
Employer: “I understand. We have four children. They’re older now, but I certainly remember some of the challenges that come with three- and six-year-olds. So, how did your first day at work go yesterday?”
Employee: “It was great and thank you so much for your understanding. I will try my best to be on time tomorrow.”
3rd DAY
Employer: “I noticed you arrived a little later than you had before. Please come into my office. I’d like to hear how things went for you this morning.”
Employee: “First, the kids were not cooperative in getting ready this morning. Then, I had to stop and get gas because I forgot to get it yesterday on the way home. I had to hurry from work to get Josh to soccer practice last night. Because of all that, I ended up way back in the line of cars at school. I’m so sorry.”
Employer: “It’s really hard being a single mom, isn’t it?”
Employee: “I cannot begin to tell you how awfully hard it is to assume all the responsibilities that were supposed to be shared by both my husband and me. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”
Employer: “I’d like you to join me and two other employees for lunch today. They are both single moms in their late twenties, and they each have two children about the same age as your children. Also, I would like to change your work hours so you can begin work a half hour later with the choice of working half an hour longer at the end of the day, or by taking a half hour for lunch, instead of an hour. If you think that can be of help, which would you prefer?”
Employee: “I would love to join you and the single moms for lunch, and I cannot thank you enough for the extra half hour in the morning. That will lighten my load significantly, and a half hour for lunch is plenty for me. But won’t some of your employees see that as favoritism, and be offended?”
Employer: “Why don’t you let me worry about that? Different employees have different needs. I like to think of our employees as part of my family and if we can meet a need, I think God likes it when we do just that. This business is His and as long as we take care of each other and our customers in an excellent way, I believe God is pleased because we keep getting more business and employ many people in this town.”
Which response would you prefer, the second conversation, or the first? I would venture to say, you would prefer the second employer’s response, the more unnatural Christlike response. So would everyone else. Thus, the need for replacing debate and argumentative monologues with Christlike dialogue.
We encourage you to read our e-book titled Communicate with Civility. It only takes about an hour to read, but a lifetime to put into practice.
February 17, 2026
by Jeff Rosenau
Jeff is the founder and president of the ministry, Christlike Dialogue. He is the author of When Christians Act Like Christians. Jeff has over 30 years’ experience teaching biblical principles that equip people to engage in conversations that are honoring to God.